Showing posts from 2015

Who Would You Choose?

Which fictional character (TV, movie, or literature) would you most want to be friends with...and why?
I have always had a list of literary/fictional characters that I would want to be pals with: 

Elizabeth Bennet - Who stands boldly for what she believes in a topsy~turvy world; she has a strong sense of justice. I admire her literary prowess, her endeavor to serve right and good, despite the losses, and the strength of her love for those who are blessed enough to receive it.

Jane Eyre - The love of Mr Rochester because he represented 'home' to her and the banter they shared was delightful. She was given a depth of character that goes beyond the book's pages. I also adore that her desire is not money, and when she comes into it, it does not redefine her, all that matters to her is love and life. She is really classy when she came from such a dark place. 

Anne Shirley - She day dreamed and built worlds within her world. I did the same as a child, always feeling trapped…

It's THAT morning


To The Moon and Back Again!

Three Thirty am, on September 6, 2015, I packed and jumped into my car and raced off to NY state, to Dansville Hospital, to Kayleen - my baby - who was having my very first grand child.
I would receive a call from her a little before 7am. Excited I asked - "Did you have him yet?" She giggled and replied that she was having camel back contractions and although she had wanted to go completely natural- she had no choice - she opted for medicine to rest a little before she had to push. She has slept some and Justin was taking a small nap beside her and she called me.
The waiting room held Justin's mom, Hailey's mom, Hailey and Sarah Mae - always my soldier daughter, always there for her sister. But Kayleen called me. That meant the world to me and I told her so. We chatted about what to expect and confirmed the journey was worth it.  She thanked me and I told her that she was an awesome daughter and she is going to be an incredible mom, I was right.
An hour …

Torn in half

Dad is on Hospice now.
My daughter is 2 weeks away from her due date.

Happy - sad.

I have two extremes in my life right now.
I have decided not to let either run into the other. I will be sad for my dad when the time comes and be elated for my grandchild when he arrives.

We believe in a Kingdom that will bring us all together one day and that hope resides deep within me to carry me through the hard times.

I have a job with heavy deadlines - the newspaper business is not stress free - it has its moments but it keeps my mind occupied. I need that.

I am excited to teach the little one new things - mom mom things and to introduce him to a world of exciting realms. I have already derived a mental list a creative bin all divvied into age categories. I am excited and fearful for this little guy coming into a world that is so jumbled. But I will welcome him with hugs and kisses and squeezes.

I will rest on that for now.
Dad will meet him I hope - if not it will be my duty to introduce…

Fourth of July Pride Retrned

This 4th of July I reflect on the pride we once had as a Nation, Where our independence was not taken for granted and it was celebrated. We respected this Nation and the flag it represented. We stood with fathers, grandfathers and mothers who fought and seen the pain it took to keep our land free.
Today I pray for a broken nation, where self serving individuals express their dislike and distaste with desecration and vulgarity. I am sad.
Yes. Opinions are valuable but I cannot listen if your heart displays a hatred for what our families fought and died so that you can express your feelings.
Today I pray for a healing. For our Nation to become the leadership it once was, for the joy we once had, for the fires to stop burning and for people to build and lift up instead of tearing down!
I want to feel God Blessing America once again.

Ouch! Did I drop something?

I took a tumble today.
I was carrying papers, the sidewalk inclined, I did not.
Matter of fact.
              declined. ...Next to a pool.
But don't worry, I popped right back
but not before a teen ran to the fence next to the pool where a million (seemed like it) people were swimming and he yelled, "Oh my gosh Lady are you all right."   Oh Yes! I answered, my knees throbbing, my hand feeling like I split it down the middle - because three fingers were bent fully backwards, but not my pinky - oh no - he stubbornly stayed the 'right' way... *insert agony here* My husband and knight was driving the car, so he ran to my rescue...not quite, he missed the whole thing..he was turning the car around and then wondered why I was walking back to the car with papers all askew.  *sighs*
It was my left hand so my wedding band and engagement ri…

50 - The next Ten Years.

I am 50.
Its okay, I am kewl with it.
I like the idea of being a grand mom soon- or mom mom as they say here and Kayleen likes.
I also like the idea of working in an environment that I can gather some extra funds.
But I am good with who I am for the most part.
I was told by my husband that I have more faith than most. That I have a strong belief in God. I do. I feel Him, I know Him and serve Him. He saved me from myself; from sin and destruction. He has given me hope and strength. I want everyone to feel it and I do feel frustrated when friends in Christ don't. I know that is wrong but I can't help but want to shake them. Maybe it is fear from remembering my dark days. The hopeless sad days that hurt my soul, that eroded my strength and pained me. But He held out His hand, He waited forever for me to find my feet and he brought me to Him. I am grateful Lord.
I feel Him, just a glimpse and I want more, His glory is so great. I trust Him and I want more of Him.
That's a …

My Heart is Full

Ten Years with this guy.
He is not nearly perfect and I would tweak a few things if I could...but then I am sure his words are the same about me.
But what we both know - is that, "we got this".
His humor is exactly like mine which has helped in many of our hard times, we turn to it - the other day, I was very slow to complete my sentences, long hours at work and the late hour had my ADD running. I struggled with just the last words, and he would hurry to say something ridiculous to make the whole conversation worthless. Getting frustrated, I barked, "Matthew!" and he quickly replied, "I know! We have been together so long we complete each other's sentences..." which of course killed me, I laughed so hard I was crying.
I wouldn't want to 'try' with anyone else.
Although we have been together only ten years, they were hard ones. We had to live apart half the time, and we had to afford two places. Yet we kept on the goal.
Then we suffered losing…

Getting Back on the Path

I have felt overwhelmed the last two weeks, and this weekend I stepped away from everything - prayed and asked God to help me find a way to be able to deal with things in a better manner.
I explained to Matthew how I felt, so Saturday I spent the day cleaning and figuring out a schedule that will allow everything to fit into place and not let anything get too far behind.
Then Sunday Matthew and I concentrated on each other for the day, taking a walk, watching a movie, grilling together - just relaxing - detoxing and remembering why we do all that we do. We shut the world out - together. He and I have grown a lot this past few years and we have learned to communicate in a casual constant way. For a little bit we felt ourselves drifting in our own worlds and instead of melding we were bumping.
We both had some resentment, which neither of us wanted to discuss, but now we have talked rejoiced and cried. We have cleared the rubble from our path and have grown even closer. We were …

My Daddy is Leaving

I need to start writing things down - fast. Before the pain comes and I won't be able to do it. Daddy is leaving this earth. He has been for a long time now. We are a bit jaded, my family, because daddy had his first heart attack when I was just old enough to be alarmed. My mom and dad had to run to the hospital in the middle of the night, and we were shuffled to Aunt Frances house. I was in the third grade. After that it has been a long run of dad surviving heart attacks, by-passes, stints, prostate cancer, then colon cancer of which he is only in remission, a stroke that took his cognitive thinking and vision (Of which he had to stop driving), those are the major events - there were many little ones like losing three toes in a mowing accident, having diabetes that is almost uncontrollable and a leg he broke in three places from a fall from the roof - all these events in the last 30 years. We came to all fear the worst, the phone call, the ambulance run, worry, wait and daddy…

The 'De-clutteration' Affect

I realized that my weight loss issue is bigger than I imagined. Food is a comfort and identity to me. It justified my 'hiding' - as I have nothing to wear, because I wouldn't buy bigger clothes, and by not buying bigger clothes it limited where I went.

I became a gatherer and identified myself as a good cook. In turn, my daughters became good (bad) eaters. We over consumed because we could and the endorphins helped the hurts we all felt from the abandonment(s) we had.

My daughters are over-comers. I am an over-comer.

I need to rid that which owns my feelings and keeps the hurt within, buried under food.

I am learning this also with 'things' as I was cleaning out the closet it the house because it was floor to ceiling of things. I sorted, pitched and donated. I pondered keeping some things and finally, in most cases, let go. And, each time I let go, I felt lighter, happier, freed of the burden of keeping things which served no purpose but to ea…

I pushed and Conquered!

A couple of years ago when I had started losing weight and concentrating more on my health - I took up walking.
My ever loving friend Gael joined me and then went on to greater things, adding biking and swimming...I digress...but back when she was still walking, I had drove over for the day to enjoy each others company and to walk together.
Let me backtrack a little - this Gaelfriend of mine has always been referred to me as the "Tom Sawyer" in my life. Remember how Tom convinces his buddy to help white wash the fence because it is so much fun? yep - That's my Gael.
So - I had been clipping along at about 3.2 miles an hour pace for 3 or 4 miles a day on average and was feeling like the lake would be a nice change of scenery for our little 'talk, walk and chat".
As we start Gael says to me, "Are you up to a challenge?" When Gael says those words and you have a knee-jerk reaction - You are normal.
My defenses were set on "joy" that day and I…