The 'De-clutteration' Affect

I realized that my weight loss issue is bigger than I imagined. Food is a comfort and identity to me. It justified my 'hiding' - as I have nothing to wear, because I wouldn't buy bigger clothes, and by not buying bigger clothes it limited where I went.

I became a gatherer and identified myself as a good cook. In turn, my daughters became good (bad) eaters. We over consumed because we could and the endorphins helped the hurts we all felt from the abandonment(s) we had.

My daughters are over-comers. I am an over-comer.

I need to rid that which owns my feelings and keeps the hurt within, buried under food.

I am learning this also with 'things' as I was cleaning out the closet it the house because it was floor to ceiling of things. I sorted, pitched and donated. I pondered keeping some things and finally, in most cases, let go. And, each time I let go, I felt lighter, happier, freed of the burden of keeping things which served no purpose but to earmark a memory, one I could recall without the item.

I am doing the same with food.
I ate some foods as a routine.
I grew up meat, potato and vegetable 6 out of 7 days a week, in that order of proportion size. Then Sunday night was popcorn, and Friday, Ice cream.
If we had cheese burgers, you ate bread and fries.
If we had chicken(cooked in grease), mashed potatoes and peas, or green beans - all canned vegetables. Meatloaf was served with potaoes and corn. We sometimes had side salad and in those days we used mayo mixed in to flavor it as a dressing. I was thin because I was young and wild but the pattern of unhealthy eating (sorry mom and dad- you meant well) was set.
I passed these skill sets to my girls - big chunky garlic bread with large portions of spaghettit - sauce the kind with buckets of sugar. Most times topped with a sugary drink. Every meals portion was scaled Meat, carb and then vegetable in portions.
I set them on the same trail I had, we were - not - happy. The weight made us sluggish - tv and games became friends, books and ice cream was favored past times, baked goods were rewards for behavior. OH..If I had it to do all over...

So here is where the de-cluttering of me takes place.
The girls are on a better trail of health and now - without cause of guilt - I can move on (guilt free) to taking care of me. Because like a canolii - we moms have a mush load of guilt inside us whether we want it or not.

In the closet, the deep deep closet I found junk, un-needed stuff, just tucked away for the lack of a better place - out side the house, things we weren't ready to get rid of yet.
I found treasures too. Things I never seen, or forgotten, notes that would have not mattered as much at the time, but puts joy and confirmation into place, school work and pictures the children created,  a long ago packed box with a lid in which held a managerie of years. So I repacked the best of these away to pull out again some day. For memory sake.

The closet is clean and has room for more items now, and is accessible to planned projects waiting for me to take action. 

I am also de-cluttering my schedule in life by dropping things I think are not a priority and adding other things we always talked about doing, I am sticking to it by making a check list. Projects, museums, family visits, every thing important and fun, I am tired of life passing by without my true interaction.

Today I am starting Clean Eating - I started yesterday to be exact. But on here today. I have been on this road before and struggle into dark moments and fall from the path, but this time I am cleaning out the obstacles. I am aligning the help and I am planning this out.
Its time I purged some fat and obtain a healthy busy, energetic life.
Hello World.