wrote this about someone very close to me. It is a true story and I needed it
to be put onto paper.
Its what I
lived on the outskirts of town, just beyond peering eyes and wagging tongues.
Forgotten as he had wished it to be, not so much a recluse, a recluse would
provoke curiosity. No, he held a job, shopped at the stores and walked among
men, but he spoke from the heart to no one, not anymore, not since he had fallen
from his steed. His armor now rusted, useless.
He lived with a girl. A
sweet girl, but no one remarkable, nothing very memorable about her, just an
average sweet girl. She blended in with the other women, her long hair tucked in
a twisted pony tail, t-shirt and jeans her average attire. She wasn’t from town
so she remained with him, leaving only for work or to shop with him. She wore no
makeup nor did she care for flashy jewelry. She preferred a dogs company to girl
friends, so they had two and occasionally you passed her as she walked them up
the hill, away from town.
He never used to be no one. He had been
someone. He had lived with a drink in one hand and an arm draped around his
fellow mate. He laughed loud and played hard. And when he met her, the girl of
his dreams, the one he would cross rivers and fight dragons for, well, he loved
with all his might. He had changed for her, setting the glass down, losing the
sportswear to don a suit, working long hard hours to afford trinkets and
designer clothes. They married in an elaborate way. His smile unforced in every
picture, his eyes always looking to her as she looked out to the world. When he
said her name he embraced it caressing the syllable, cradling it as a newborn.
He was so blinded, this knight, that he didn’t see her tossing the vessel of
their love around as though it were packaged in an industrial metal container,
not the gilded glass vase, until it fell, hitting the floor and shattering into
a thousand pieces. Her laughter just as loud and piercing as it carried her out
the door. She hopped into the awaiting sports car which carried her away as if
their were no responsibilities, connections, she never even looked back to the
doorway of the brave broken knight.
He had staggered through days and
nights, he spoke to know one for fear her name would get thrown against him.
People called and tried to speak to him when he was seen but he kept his head
bent, his face down and pretended their arms were unattached, unable to embrace.
He would crack if they did, shatter into the pieces already on the ground.
She had come into his life. Her simple ways, her small gestures of care
slid into his life without ripples. She visited, made coffee and spoke of
trivial things as she made warm bread and washed the curtains. It became
convenient to have her there, her unassuming ways co inhabiting with his grief,
her fingers stroking his brow. She never spoke ill of the other, he had
carefully unwrapped his secret pain but she rewrapped it and tucked it away
carefully into the guest closet as not to stumble upon it. Her cooking filling
the house with pleasant days; her dogs, brilliant fellows, doted on him, much
like their master. His affection was returned gently. Yet, He will not marry her
because he can not bring himself to eliminate the other, to replace her, and she
knows it, accepts it.
I ride by their house and note the mowed lawn which
lacks a flower garden. Their cars parked one behind the other, not side by
side. And, I have to wonder, is this good love? Is this a good life? Is it
good enough to have loved and lost to not have loved at all? Has she sold her
soul and will never know how it is to fiercely love another or be loved without
restraint? I wonder.
I met a missionary once who told me that she keeps three type of friends close at hand.
A strong Christian friend that she leans and gleans from to grow, a friend at nearly the same level as her to challenge and be challenged by, and someone who needs Jesus to hone her witnessing skills.
I liked this - at different times they have been different women, but I have utilized this in my life.
Over the past years, I have been through a great many of life's trials and obstacles, joys, pains, deaths and births. All these have made me who I am today, but how I handled them really demonstrates to others- who I am. I have learned to pause, to pray and to study God's word so I become a better illustration of Christ.
At age 52 I know this. I love Jesus and serve him, I am not ashamed of that. I love his promise to prosper me and I enjoy the life he has given me - not perfect - but it has such possibilities and love.
I have had to work on myself a lot. I have failed a lot - but alwa…
Sometimes when we make changes in our lives it has a tumbling effect - such as any natural change.
Our change came when we just recognized a pattern of spending that was wasteful. We felt compelled to make some deliberate changes. One of those changes was getting rid of Direct TV, getting a Firestick and utilizing Hulu, Amazon Video, music channels and Netflix for less than a quarter of what we were paying. Thus affecting our budget positively.
I wasn't sure I would enjoy this way of viewing, even balking a little - I was sure it was going to irritate me - it was a deliberate way to watch TV, but over time I find I enjoy it so much more.
For one, I don't have to waddle through commercials, I can choose to watch my shows at my convenient times without having to record it, and the TV is not just running for noise or company, as I once called it.
We don't watch the news like we used to - we google and listen to podcasts or live streams - obtain what…
We (Matthew & I) made some major life changes. And I decided to place-mat some goals here for the next month and see where I hit. #1 - Take up one new activity #2 - Read 2 new books #3 - Meet up with 2 Friends outside of work (yes- I am a recluse when I am off work) #4 - Plan our Anniversary Trip #5- Work on Book (at least 2 new chapters) I want to use this as my brain storm room so anything can go - I categorize too much and don't just break free and enjoy.