reflections from the Middle

As of June third I am 49.
The day wasn't spectacular, it was a work day - plans didn't pan out - one of the grown children had a need to meet so hubby and I went to dinner rather late at a box restaurant. Ruby Tuesday. Which wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't felt like an after thought. No present - no card - not like any other Birthday I have celebrated with my Matthew. I went through a lot of emotions. Angry, hurt, deflated, forgiving, reflective and in the end okay. I definitely took a moment to tell him I must be spoiled on my Birthday as usual.
Spoiled for me is just having my husband dote on me a little, card, surprise gift (which doesn't need to be expensive) and just a little extra special sprinkled on my day. He was sorry and I don't think he will let me feel that again. Some people may think I am selfish about this so the inner analyzing took place.
I am 49. I am on the other half / side of an expectant life. I have a good relationship with a man I adore and love with all my heart. I have three daughters and one step daughter who are grown and beautiful, no one is in the perfect place in life but all are functioning well. They seem happy and they bring me joy.
I am no where near selfish.
I don't spend much money on hair, nails or clothes.
I am very content to travel to see the girls periodically - every three to four months. (A three to four day trip.)
I am not pushy about finances, nor am I demanding.
and my main goal is to make our house delightfully liveable.
Thats not asking too much.
Oh - and a years pass to the ocean.
So what is the goal before 50.
My health, spiritual life and weight at a better place.
Period.
What are the goals before I enter heaven?
I want a new kitchen. all. Not large but functional.
A tall Dining room table.
I want to take a cruise - twice.
and visit England /Ireland once.
I want to do a DC trip to visit the Holocaust Museum and
do a weekend in NY City to see the Smithsonian thoroughly.
Of course I still want to be published.
and I want to watch my children find their happiness.
And to just grow old with Matthew - peacefully and happily.
We are funny and cute together, he 'gets' me - I totally 'get' him.
We are far from perfect, but we are perfect together.
I don't fight for a lot out of this earth - this life, I think because the ending will top it so much better.
I am ready to make 50 look good!

Bring it!

Comments

  1. NancyJuly 7, 2014 at 6:29 PM

    I am the same as you. I don't ask for a lot. I think my worst b-day was when I turned 50. I don't make a big deal out of them and my family knows it...but this was a milestone! My kids were both sick and had not had the fore thought to get mom anything for her birthday. They were sick the day of my birthday and always left everything to the last minute, therefore, unable to get me a card, make me a card, make me dinner, etc. The monster spouse was in Florida. Didn't even send flowers or LEAVE me a surprise before he left. I got flowers delivered...from my MIL. I was beyond disappointed. I cried. There is not another chance at a 50th birthday. It is one of those disappointments that never leave cuz it hurt. It was that birthday that made me realize that I am one of those ppl they all think shrugs everything off and it isn't that important. Do I sound like I am being overly dramatic? perhaps, but I think I am allowed to be that way once in a while. I'm worth it.

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