Whispered Promises

Ten Years with this guy. He is not nearly perfect and I would tweak a few things if I could...but then I am sure his words are the same about me. But what we both know - is that, "we got this". His humor is exactly like mine which has helped in many of our hard times, we turn to it - the other day, I was very slow to complete my sentences, long hours at work and the late hour had my ADD running. I struggled with just the last words, and he would hurry to say something ridiculous to make the whole conversation worthless. Getting frustrated, I barked, "Matthew!" and he quickly replied, "I know! We have been together so long we complete each other's sentences..." which of course killed me, I laughed so hard I was crying. I wouldn't want to 'try' with anyone else. Although we have been together only ten years, they were hard ones. We had to live apart half the time, and we had to afford two places. Yet we kept on the goal. Then we suffered...

I have felt overwhelmed the last two weeks, and this weekend I stepped away from everything - prayed and asked God to help me find a way to be able to deal with things in a better manner. I explained to Matthew how I felt, so Saturday I spent the day cleaning and figuring out a schedule that will allow everything to fit into place and not let anything get too far behind. Then Sunday Matthew and I concentrated on each other for the day, taking a walk, watching a movie, grilling together - just relaxing - detoxing and remembering why we do all that we do. We shut the world out - together. He and I have grown a lot this past few years and we have learned to communicate in a casual constant way. For a little bit we felt ourselves drifting in our own worlds and instead of melding we were bumping. We both had some resentment, which neither of us wanted to discuss, but now we have talked rejoiced and cried. We have cleared the rubble from our path and have grown even closer. We were...

I need to start writing things down - fast. Before the pain comes and I won't be able to do it. Daddy is leaving this earth. He has been for a long time now. We are a bit jaded, my family, because daddy had his first heart attack when I was just old enough to be alarmed. My mom and dad had to run to the hospital in the middle of the night, and we were shuffled to Aunt Frances house. I was in the third grade. After that it has been a long run of dad surviving heart attacks, by-passes, stints, prostate cancer, then colon cancer of which he is only in remission, a stroke that took his cognitive thinking and vision (Of which he had to stop driving), those are the major events - there were many little ones like losing three toes in a mowing accident, having diabetes that is almost uncontrollable and a leg he broke in three places from a fall from the roof - all these events in the last 30 years. We came to all fear the worst, the phone call, the ambulance run, worry, wait and...